~So Much Drama~

*UPDATED*

At first, gue mo nulis ttg a few "probs" which I'm currently having.. Been thinking about it for a while, deciding whether to write it here or not...since they are actually private matters. Mengingat that some things are much better to be kept to yourself and not to be shared, I chose not to write it here..

Life has been so smooth and it means that something must be very wrong, or so they said. But it doesn't work for me. Karena, dlm hidup gue, all things can happily walk side-by-side..every single thing falls right to its place. Monotonous yet perfect for such a girl like me. But, it's only a matter of time...before problems show up. Take note that in my life (definitely not yours), problems come in groups..as always. What I have to do is (whining like a baby.Hmm..I mean,) to settle them one in a time..

I'm being exaggerating.. But, don't you feel the same? Like when something is wrong-it ruins your mood-and everything SEEMS wrong.. It's an ongoing cycle, each of them is somehow connected to each other..one thing happens, then followed by another.

Setiap gue ngerasa dapet masalah, gue selalu ngerasa semua aspects dlm hidup gue itu salah. Lucky for me, I have someone that I could share whatever I have in mind to..*makasi Ko Tirta, you might not know..But, you helped me a lot. I know that I could always count on you..hehe*
Sometimes when bad things happen..deep inside I actually know what to do. What I need is not a good advice, but listening ears and short sentences like "Don't worry, everything's gonna be all right" or "Whichever path you choose, you'll always got my back". Those are what I need to hear.. Born with moodiness, which I have yet to rid of, gue nyadar kalo tiap gue ngerasa "semuanya salah" itu cuma perasaan gue aja... Still, it burdens me!

Nowadays, the world turns its back on me. Many things happened, and some still are happening. First, university intake. Then, apa yg gue mau bentrok ama apa yg ortu gue mau. Last and THE LEAST, to put icing on my cake, crush thingy. One word to describe it, damn =)

I already wrote an entry about the second problem. It's about "here" and "there"... I wantED to be "there", but "here" I stuck. Now, when I finally want to be "here"... One university, which best not to be mentioned, was being so unprofessional! Once they said that the course I badly want was already full. I asked them to put my name on the waiting list for that course while I'm taking a test for my second choice (which I don't think I would ever take). On the day of the test, I asked them again whether there are any available sit for that particular course, they told me that there are none available and worse, all of them who had applied for it already paid! I was disappointed and start thinking about which overseas universities I would like to apply (there were EASB, and the latest one is Taylor). Tapi tau ga siiich!!! Pas gue masuk ruang testnya...gue ngeliat orang lagi duduk test di pojokkan, sendirian. Abis gue perhati'in lagi...ternyata orang itu Melda! Singkatnya, selesai test gue telp dia. Tapi ga diangkat. Ga lama dia telp balik en kita ngomongin ttg test itu, terakhirnya gue baru tau kalo dia apply buat jurusan yg gue mau. Now tell me gimana gue ga kesel ama tuch uni??? Gimana mungkin orang udah bayar duluan bahkan sebelum mereka ngerjain test masuk? Artinya cuma satu, gue dibohongin buat alasan yang gue ga ngerti sama sekali. Alasan apa yg cukup masuk akal buat 1 universitas untuk nolak calon mahasiswanya di jurusan tertentu? Gue tau mereka specialized in business (entrepreneurship), tapi kalo semua calon mahasiswa mati2an diarahkan buat ngambil jurusan itu... Why the hell mereka mesti buat jurusan2 laen?? I seriously still don't get it.

But, case closed. After several disheartening days and lotsa patient from the one who's barely know "patient" (I mean, ME). I got "the call"...dan hari ini gue diinterview. Mereka bakal ngabarin hasilnya dlm 2 atau 3 hari lagi. Gue uda berusaha semaksimal mungkin, rasanya sekarang waktunya untuk nyerahin semuanya ke Yang Di Atas.

Last and THE LEAST (yet cukup buat bikin hati pegel!), crush thingy. Gue serba salah tau! Yes, gue jg bisa serba salah ama hal2 ga penting tapi bikin cape hati kaya gini! Temen mudika gue sempet ngasi komen ttg cowo di tempat gym itu. Dia bilang ama gue, kalo awal2nya apa yg gue lakuin tuch emang buat si cowo GR en dia sendiri juga bakal GR kalo ada yg kaya gt ama dia. Got what I mean? Trus dd gue bilang, kalo GR dikit tuch gpp. Seriously, gue ga tau harus gimana! Kalo gue bla bla bla, dianggapnya gue ngasi false hopes. Sekarang gimana coba kalo gue yg gampang GR?? Apa ga nggilani?

Risk = my feeling.
Consequences = will be the happiest girl for a moment OR Getting Hurt.

I'm afraid of the latest consequence hence I don't wanna take the risk. But, it doesn't mean that I'm afraid of falling in love, does it? To be honest, gue ga tau kapan 1 cowo bisa dianggap serius suka ama cewe...contoh2 seperti kalo cowo telp/sms lo tiap hari en care ama lo..brarti dia suka ama lo, udah ga berlaku buat gue. Sebab playboy juga SELALU seperti itu! En bisa dibayangin kan kalo ada 1 cowo yg sms/telp gue saban hari trus gue udah GR2 en ngarep2 sendiri kalo si cowo tuch suka ama gue...en it turns out that si cowo cuma nganggep gue temen baeknya.. bakal nyakitin hati banget kali yach? I would love to avoid that. I've seen enough (eventhough I have less personal experiences about it), I'm FREAKING AFRAID of getting hurt. So, I think the best way is to control my feeling as far as I could...nganggep semuanya tuch temen biasa. Toh kalo ada yg bener2 suka, dia pasti bakal BENER2 usaha supaya gue tau kalo dia emang serius.

Ada beberapa hal yang pantas untuk diperjuangin...en menurut gue, cewe (*ehem* gue *ehem*) juga termasuk satu hal yg pantas untuk itu */swt abiz!..mwahahah*.

~Once You Told Me That You Gonna Stay There, I Have The Feeling of "It's over". But, Could It be Over Before It Even Began?~