~One Step At A Time~

He supposed to ask me the second time on December 8th, the day I finally done with my final exam. Beberapa hari yang lalu, gue masi ga yakin keputusan apa yang bakal gue ambil. Supaya selama ujian ga kepikiran ["wah, bentar lg ujian selesai. Gmn donk?!" kind of thought] , akhirnya gue minta dia untuk nanya lagi tanggal 18 December. Pas ama hari terakhir seminar EXIM en satu hari sebelum gue berangkat ke Jakarta atau Makasar. Wth, ampe hari ini gue masi belum beli tiket. Jangankan itu, gue belum pasti mau ke mana. Oh, so fickle minded.

Anyway, kalo sampai gue ngasi jawaban positif. A few things I would/wouldn't do are =
1. I wouldn't change my status on Facebook. I have my own reasons. Waktu gue jadian ama 2 mantan yang terakhir, gue juga ga ganti statusnya tuch =)
2. I'd only inform a few close friends of mine. By a few, I mean only 3 or 4 persons, max 5. Let the rest find out for themselves. Oh, kalo gue jadi ke Makasar, I'd tell my cousins of course =)
3. Mungkin gue ga bakal keluar berdua doank ama cowo. Kalaupun sekali - sekali kaya gitu, gue ga bakal bohong koq...wth.

Sekarang, gimana kalo gue ngasi jawaban negative =
1. Pengennya sich tetep temenan en keluar bareng kaya sekarang.
2. Moga - moga ga lost contact. Sayang kan, kalo gara - gara ini ampe kehilangan teman.

What I'm afraid of = Resikonya.
I've been single and wandering for quite some time, a year and a half, if I'm not mistaken. Ga perlu gue jelasin panjang lebar, yang pasti gue ngerasa ada [banyak!!] enaknya juga jadi single. Seandainya gue mau, berarti gue terikat lagi donk? Seandainya gue ga mau, ga munafik nich..gue juga rada takut kalo dia mutusin buat mundur. Trus yach, gimana kalo gue uda mau..eh, akhirnya [choi2!] gue malah jadi pihak yang sakit ati? Kalimat yang terakhir, gue belajar dari pengalaman beberapa temen gue. Waktu gue lagi sibuk mikirin ujian en ngejalanin idup dengan riang-gembira-santai-banget-makasih-Tuhan... Ada tiga [TIGA!] orang temen gue yang lagi patah hati en sedih mulu mikirin mantannya ampe hampir tiap hari nangis2. Nah lo?!

Ok, yang nangis tiap hari cuma 1, soalnya baru putus. Yang 1 lagi kadang masi sedih en nyesel uda rada seenaknya ama si mantan ampe akhirnya mereka putus en si mantan ga mau diajak balik. Sedangkan yang satu lagi baru kemaren ketemu mantannya en skarang sedi lagi. HOW??? Resikonya cukup bikin nyesek kaleee.. Emang sich skarang gue masi bisa ngontrol feeling gue en still standing on the safe side [got what i mean?]. Tapi ke depannya siapa yang tau?? Tiga orang temen yang gue mentioned di atas, mereka semua awalnya juga ga cinta - cinta amet ama para cowonya, tapi endingnya? Nah lo.. Adu, jadi tamba bingung, serem juga. Hmmm...

Ga papa dech, masi ada 18 hari koq...

ps = Gue bosenan alias gue gampang bosen. DOUBLE HOW -> HOW HOW?!

~I Don't Like To Be Labeled As Lonely Just Because I'm Alone~

~Crossroads~

*roughly describes my current situation*

Which path should I take? With whom should I be with?
I thought I have all the time in the world to observe and finally decide which one is the best for me. How the hell should I know that one of them decided to ask me to be his gf last night? I couldn't answer him and so I didn't. If only he had an intention to surprised me that night, I can safely say that he succeeded. My heart skipped a beat when he threw me that very question.

Deep inside, I guess I wanna be with him. But, I have so many "what if-s" running through my mind especially "What if the other guy is better?". It's like there are two options being given to me. Which one's better? To be with the one you think you like better than the other or to be with the one who, perhaps, is better than the other.

I went out with the one who asked me to be his just yesterday. I asked him,"Kalo aku ga salah ngira, kamu kan sekarang lagi deketin aku [he told me before..God damn it! Bukan gue yang keGE-ERan..haha], nah kamu bakal pdkt sampai kapan?". He said, until I give him an answer. But, when I asked him again what if [our, or my, world is full of 'what if's..u know?] I gonna answer his question in six months time..would he wait that long? No, he doesn't think he would.. What the hell. So,I was loved before and therefore I know how it feels like to be seriously loved, and the guy who really loved me would do whatever I want for he was afraid to lose me *silahkan muntah kalo mau..haha* I guess, if he doubts himself that he could wait for me for 6 months.. Then, he's not that into me. No? I appreciate his honesty though.

For the other guy, it seems like he takes thing slowly. When we went out together, he made it obvious that he kinda like me [silahkan bilang gue GE-ER..]. But, he didn't message me every five minutes or call me every single day. It makes me wonder 'he likes me..he likes me not'. He almost got all the things I am looking for in a guy ['almost' because he's a bit short for my liking..wth]. The problem is, I don't think I like him that much yet or if i ever gonna love him.

One of my girlfriends actually envies me. If only she knows that I don't feel any FUN at all. It's really confusing and I wish it could be so much simpler. I prefer a situation where I fall head over heels in love with someone and, of course, for him to feel the same.. rather than the situation I am currently in.

Anyway,
My final exam's coming and I shouldn't think about this confusing 'dua-gebetan' thingy for a while. Perhaps, I must spin out time a little longer and see who gonna stay till the end and doesn't give up on me. *Tapi, gimana dengan 'target taon baru' ama si cc kecil?...OMG*

*3.09 AM. Capek, abis jalan - jalan seharian*

Good nite, whoever you are =)

~I AM SO CONFUSING I FREQUENTLY CONFUSED MYSELF I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WANT MOST OF THE TIME I COULDN'T EVEN MAKE A DECISION WITHOUT CHANGING THEM OVER AND OVER AGAIN. FML~

~Small Talk~

Semacet apa sich di daerah Petra sana?? Rencana pergi jam 7, terus ditunda ampe 7.30, en sekarang uda jam 8.35 dia belum juga nyampe sini..duh.

Anyway,
Lagi libur seminggu + lagi musim hujan = GUE SENANG!!!
Enaknya liburan gini..bangun tidur ga usa kaget gara - gara suara weker, bisa jalan - jalan ampe malem, nonton dvd seharian ampe puas. Ya Tuhan, jauhkan hari Senin ini dari akuuu... Tapi kalo ga bisa, tolong percepat waktu sampai hari Selasa tanggal 7 Desember *Amen*

Hm, cuaca yang mendung - mendung gini juga enak. Apalagi sekarang hampir tiap hari daerah rumah gue pasti hujan. Paling suka dech kalo mau tidur trus ada suara hujan lengkap ama petir - petirnya. Selain itu, gue juga suka kalo lagi naek mobil terus ujan.. Rasanya tenaaang banget.

*Oh So Random*

Mind-walking = With whom should I be with? Dia en dia punya nilai plusnya masing - masing. Secara muka dua - duanya ga jelek [at least, ga lebi jelek dari cowonya cewe - cewe laen en ga lebi jelek dari mantan - mantan yang sebelumnya juga..hahaha,wth]. Secara sifat..Oh, c'mon..jelas aja yang keliatan sekarang ya cuma baek - baeknya doank. Temen - temen lebi suka yang itu, sedangkan ortu suka yang ini. Gue? Suka yang mana? Argh, uda dech..gue masi punya waktu beberapa lama. Toh sekarang gue ga harus ngambil keputusan apa - apa, sebelum gue tau jawabannya. The One Above Will Show Me The Way, I Believe =)

Back =
Dia lama banget sich nyampenyaaa....

~Good Mood Good Mood Good Mood~

~Unicorn Flies~

Gue pengen minggu ini cepet - cepet lewat, karena 2 alasan =
1. Minggu depan udah masuk minggu tenang A[s].K[nown].A[s] L.I.B.U.R...yay! Seharusnya minggu depan dipakai nyiapin diri untuk UAS.. Tapi yang namanya libur, tetap aja libur ^^
2. Tanggal 22 Nov 09 alias hari Minggu nanti, stand di PTC yang dibuka demi mata kuliah entrepreneurship 3 akhirnya closing juga. Puji Tuhan Hallelujah Amen I'd have one thing less to worry about. Bukannya gue ga suka jaga stand.. Tapi itu bukan berarti gue suka jaga stand. Ah, yang pasti gue seneng tuch stand dah mau tutup. Titik.

O yach, kenapa setelah ngerasain sendiri gimana najisnya broken heart, gue jadi ga tau mau ngomong apa sama temen gue yang lagi bercurhat ria karena patah hati? Gue mau bilang =
1. Udah dech, jangan dipikirin lagi - Jelas dia bakal tetep mikirin.
2. Jangan contact2an dulu [Been there, done that myself!] - Begitu si cowo sms, dia pasti bales dengan sepenuh hati lagi.
3. All things must pass - semua pasti berlalu, cepat atau lambat - Ini kalimat yang SELALU gue inget kalo lagi sedih, bete, en sejenisnya. Tapi ini juga kayanya ga mempan buat dia.

Malah sepertinya tadi gue ngomong terlalu to the point en yang ada dia jadi tambah ngerasa hopeless. Oh my God -______-

Now u see, ternyata ada baiknya juga kan jadi orang yang gampang bosan *haha*

~Tick...Tock..Tick...Tock~

~Who'd Have Known~

The bad mood I was talking about a few days ago, it's not getting better. Good news is it's not getting any worse either. So, I should consider myself pretty lucky. No?

The reason for my bad mood yesterday = I felt so f*cked up at night I couldn't finish my assignment. Hmm, gue jadi kedengaran kaya tipe manusia geek yang selalu rajin ngerjain tugas aja.. Emang sich gue ga selalu nyelesai'in semua tugas kampus [but most of the time I did. Self-defense, ya know?] tapi biasanya begitu gue mulai ngerjain assignment, I could get so concentrated on it I don't give a damn on anything else.

Hari kemarin dimulai dengan sangat baik - baik aja waktu gue, melda, dea, naomi en yenny syuting *tsah* iklan buat tugas mata kuliah art culture and sport appreciation besok. Kita ngiklanin nasi kuning en kemarin syuting, kemarin juga baru nyiapin semua bahan - bahan yang diperluin. Not only we share "lebay-ness" as something we have in common, kita juga sama - sama jago dalam procrastinating..sweet -_-

*nasi kuning..makanan Indonesia favorite gue, selain bakso, empek2 en masi banyak lagi..swt*

*albeit my bad mood I could still smile as bright as the color of the rice.. Eh, actually I was quite happy at that moment*

*the five of us.. thank u so much self-timer*

Sekitar jam 7 kita dah selesai bikin iklan. Abis makan - makan bentar [which I didn't finish and it's kinda weird for a big eater like ME], gue, melda, en yenny ke PTC buat jaga stand. This was where it all started. Ga tau apa karena gue emang udah kecapekan gara - gara ngerjain iklan dari siang ampe sore en malemnya mesti jaga stand, atau karena di stand gue juga rada bete ama anak - anak kelompok gue [padahal mereka ga ngapa - ngapain.. Yes, I just being weird like that..damn], atau karena abis pulang dari PTC gue masi harus ngerjain tugas Operational Management lagi. All I knew is I was so upset I cried myself to sleep for no particular reason hoping it could ease whatever shitty mood I felt. It did though =) I fell asleep straight away after that. What a way to end such a nice day..

On a lighter note, selain ngerasa emo, gue juga ngerasa kalo akhir - akhir ini semua di sekitar gue baek banget. Mulai dari situasi - situasi yang gue alamin sampe orang - orang di dalemnya. Gue jadi tamba bingung kenapa gue bisa ngerasa emo.. Waktu gue ga bisa ngerjain tugas, ada orang jayus yang mau bantuin [peace yandonk!], siangnya ada Dea yang ngasi jawaban en gue tinggal paraphrasing doank, my parents were so nice to me we rarely argue, and those hang out times with my close friends which were so fun [baek yang di kampus, maupun yang di luar kampus] .

Last but not least, gue seneng punya dd seperti yang gue punya sekarang. We can actually hang out together with or without our other friends... Kaya tadi siang dia nemenin gue nyari kado buat Melda. Then, dia nraktir gue teh gopek, gue nraktir dia pentol [hahahaha...], dia nraktir gue kentang K-Patat di mana akhirnya cuma beli satu buat bagi dua soalnya perut gue lagi ga enak karena seharian penuh belum makan, en beli dvd-5-gratis-1 trus ngebiarin salah satu untuk milih gratisannya en dia milih film hantu karena tau gue demen film horor.. Tell me, isn't that cool? *big smiley face*

~Recovering~

~A Little Thing Called Regret~

Udah beberapa hari terakhir ini mood gue rada ga enak. Gue ga ngerti apa itu karena Surabaya belum ujan padahal harusnya udah masuk musim ujan, atau apa itu karena 2 minggu lagi gue ada final exam, atau karena akhir - akhir ini gue kurang ngonsumsi karbohidrat/protein/whatever yang intinya gue kurang makan. Surprisingly, my appetite has gone and these few days I couldn't finish any hard food I ate, not even frozen yogurt..and I've been eating once a day damn it. Kadang kalo dipaksain makan, yang ada malah mau muntah. Tapi gue rasa, alasan ini kebalik. Harusnya, gara - gara gue terlalu emo, gue jadi ngerasa kenyang mulu. Walaupun dengan cara ini gue bisa sedikit kurusan. I am not happy.

The reason I am being such an emo kid is different every day. It keeps changing. Ga, gue ga lagi PMS.

Alasan hari ini = Ada satu hal yang dulu gue lakuin, en sekarang gue nyesel. I am missing someone at this very moment. Dulu kita sempat deket en I was the one who ruined everything. The worst part is, I was aware of what I did. I drove him away for I believed that once he falls into "friend zone", it's impossible for me to see him in any other way. Padahal, kalo mau diliat dari awal en seandainya gue waktu itu mau jujur ama diri gue sendiri, sebenarnya gue interested ama dia. Terus, kita sempet lost contact karena beberapa alasan. Waktu kita contact2an lagi, gue juga ngerasa interested ama dia. The thing is, I kept telling myself that what I felt was not really what I thought I felt. One of my besties told me that it's obvious that he felt the same [jujur, gue juga nyadar...cuma sibuk nyangkal] and asked why I don't wanna give it a try. To which I replied :
1. Ga lha, dia cuma nganggep gue temen [after all those things he did..stupid me]
2. Dia baik banget, gue ga pengen kehilangan temen kaya dia. Makanya gue ga mau nyoba, karena kalo putus...ntar takutnya malah ga bisa temenan lagi [I'm friends with most of my exes]
3. The "friend zone" thingy [the end]
Sialnya, sekarang gue baru nyadar kalo dia ga pernah masuk ke "friend zone" itu sampe gue sendiri yang nyoba ngedorong dia ke sana, tapi ga sukses..while I pushed myself to his, SUCCESSFULLY. what the hell.


*note = semua yang gue tulis di atas, bisa bener..bisa juga separuh bener. Gue lagi emo, remember?*

~Life Is Unpredictable. I Am Waiting For That "Unpredictable" Thingy~

~My New Found Love~

A Short Introduction :

*Bean*

Hello world, I've found my new love which turns out to be a male puppy [not female like what i thought before].

I bought love, loyalty, a single trusting heart [of course I copied it from somewhere..damn it] and brought him home on Wednesday, 10 November 2009. According to the seller, he was born on 30th of August, makes him 2 months and 13 days old by the time I wrote this post up.

As you could see from my previous posts, I only prepared one name when I decided to search for a new puppy. I was so sure that I would buy a female one and did not prepare for a male puppy's name. Ok, it's not really my fault because at first I only wanted a female puppy. But, he is too cute. No?

Bear, Honey, Beamer, Vincent [I seriously got scolded for using my brother's name for a dog = not respecting him..damn it] are a few names I wanna called him with. I was too confused and asked my papi to decide. So, he calls him BEAN from Mr. Bean (-.-!)

~And BEAN Is His Name-O~